The weather has been absolutely amazing. I’m sitting on my patio, with coffee, as I type this out. It’s 66 degrees, and I am honestly shocked. Hence why I keep rambling about the weather. I don’t remember it being 66 degrees at almost 9 o’clock in the morning, in September, for a very long time. I feel this is unusual for Arizona. I’m a bit sad though, because looking at the estimated weather report for the next week, it says that it should shoot up to 98 on October 1st.
Seems a little backwards to me.
Recently, I’ve been feeling a little off. This feeling is familiar though, as I seem to get this way every year around this time. Yes, every year around the end of September, early October, I start longing for something more. For example, I love the job that I have very much. I am a receptionist at an academic enrichment center. This was the first job I ever had, and I worked my way up to basically running the business alongside the owner/instructor. I had other jobs over the years I have worked there, before I was working as many hours as I am now. I actually even left two years ago, for six months, and then returned because I hated the job I left for, and missed this one so much.
I love the kids we work with. They really light up my days. I also love my boss, and our employees. The only problem is that I am not making enough money for the bills I have. My boyfriend pays rent for us, and I handle groceries, our cell phones, the wi-fi, and many personal bills, including a car payment, and credit cards that I should have never gotten.
At this time each year, I start stressing over having enough money to buy Christmas presents. I also need new tires, and my boyfriend has been stressing about having all of rent on his shoulders. It makes me feel bad, because he doesn’t have money to save for his hobbies, or for the new car that he needs.
It’s times like these where I start to worry that I am not doing the right thing. I wonder if we will always be struggling. I wonder if I will ever actually have my own life coaching business, or new age store. Sometimes everything just seems so far out of reach. And I really don’t like feeling this way. I consider myself a very positive person, with the ability to help others. And when I feel this way, I wonder if I will ever really be able to accomplish what I have dreamed of.
And on top of that, Sable, the cat we took in, is still getting sick. When I took her to the vet, they didn’t seem to think anything was seriously wrong with her. They wanted me to buy her prescription food, but I couldn’t afford it. Then last night, she got sick again. I have no idea what to. Sometimes I want to find another home for the two cats we took in. I feel like it would be such a relief. But then I feel like I couldn’t just dump them on someone else. They were the cats of someone we loved very much.
Such a strange time. I’m just tired of back and forth, up and down.
I’m tired of feeling like I never have money. I’m tired of wondering if I am on the right path. I’m excited to be done with school, so that I can see what happens next . . . Sometimes, I just want to get paid for writing, and nothing else.