Goodbye, old friend.
Well, another one of my friends passed away this week. His name was John and he was only 23. He died in his sleep – might have been some type of allergic reaction. It was completely unexpected.
We actually hadn’t spoken in over a year, and had only spent a short amount of time together. I worked with him, and his wife, about two years ago, at an elementary school. Honestly, if it weren’t for them (and my mom, who also worked there), I would not have made it through that job. I absolutely hated the job. I loved working with my students, though. And I loved seeing John, and his wife.
John brightened my day, every day. He made me smile, and joked about all the bullshit that went down at that establishment. I loved sharing lunch with him and his wife. I loved to see them interact. They were so adorable. He had such a wild and free spirit, and I really think she helped ground him. He had asked me if I would consider moving with them to another state, but I declined because I wanted to stay here with my family, and my boyfriend (who I was just getting back together with, at the time – we had split up for a few months, it’s a whole other story).
John was a very beautiful soul. I think I may have known both of them in a past life, actually. But anyway, he was a very real person, with such a beautiful, undying love and fascination for his wife. He loved her more than anything, and she was his reason for living.
They both liked to write. I remember John letting me read a short story he was writing, based on a song he loved. I can’t recall the name of the song right now, but basically the guy was singing about how is wife died, unexpectedly, and how he couldn’t live without her. John was writing a short story for his wife about this. In it, he wrote that without his wife, he would commit suicide.
I wonder if his wife ever read the story, and if she is thinking of it now. I haven’t spoken to her in a really long time, either. Actually, once the school year ended, I had only kept in touch with John for a few months, and never spoke to his wife again.
Until this week, when I donated some money to their funeral funds, and wrote her a short message on Facebook. I want to reach out to her some more, but don’t want to bother her. I know she is experiencing the worst pain of her life right now. Maybe I will reach out in the future. I want to go to his memorial next Wednesday, but I am scheduled to work. So, we will see what happens.
Expect the unexpected.
So, the wheel keeps turning. I am currently sitting in my living room, with my Christmas tree all lit up. My two cats are making noise in the backrground, and Taylor is working on composing music. We are making a surprise CD for our families as a Christmas gift. I am having a lot of fun with this project, and will probably post some of the songs when we are done.
I have been having a rough time this week. I can’t stop thinking about John and his wife. I am keeping her name private in respect, if you haven’t noticed. I can’t believe someone so young, with such a bright spirit, could pass away like that. I keep feeling his wife’s pain from a distance, and feel so, so sorry for her.
On the day that I learned about his death, I cried and held Taylor in our kitchen. I told him I would not be able to handle anything like that happening to him. John’s wife is so strong.
So, what I’m saying is, be grateful for every day you have on this planet. Expect the unexpected. Always tell your loved ones you love them. Make the most out of every day. Keep in touch with the people you care about. Everything can change within seconds.
I am so in love with Taylor, and I want that to be known. I am so grateful for everything we have built together thus far, and I pray we are blessed with many more years together.
I love my family and want to spend as much time with them as possible. I love my cats. I love my friends and coworkers. I love my old friends, even if we don’t speak anymore. All I can think about right now is time.
How are you spending your time? Are you doing things you enjoy, with people you enjoy?
Taylor and I were discussing our jobs and financial situation earlier tonight. We feel we need better paying jobs, but I love my job so much that I don’t want to leave it, yet. Also, I have the perfect schedule to fit in school and blogging. But anyway, I couldn’t stop thinking about John, and I told Taylor, “There isn’t time to do anything we don’t love.” That is how I have always felt, and now I know I will always feel that way.
I don’t want to fear life. But the unexpected is frightening. This is why we must do all we can each day to make our spirits happy. Don’t get too caught up in the mundane, or the daily grind. Don’t waste your energy dwelling on hate, or anger. Focus on love and light.
John, you will be missed by everyone whose lives you touched. Thank you for all the laughs, and the lessons. I am sending angels and love to your wife.
With love and light,